Summer At Last!

To think I spend all winter complaining about the cold.... desperate for summer smoldering heat... it comes. It's HOT HOT HOT. For a moment I may find myself saying "oh this is so darn hot", then the joy and pleasantries flood back to me. Exactly how and why I love the summer!

Went to work today... spent the evening walking around with my wonderful daughters at Swedish days in Geneva. They had a soda while I sat outside at Galena Cellars with a crisp glass of white wine. Watching the people go by... chatting on the phone with Lara, listening to Maggie babble in the background, watching Ashley find pennies in a neighboring wishing pond. You know... who's watching the time when it's that peaceful and relaxing.

Home for grilling out, and golf lessons in the morning. I'm happy! Truly!

Nothing holds me back!

Honestly, I've had a rough ride - for as long as I can remember. That's OK. It's all character building. Well, enough is enough. Can a person have enough character? I'd like to move on now. Time after time, still putting myself out there. I believe someday it will all come together. My greatest hope is that it will at least be during the time that my children will benefit as well, and that they would not have had to go through their childhood enduring one let down after another, and hardship, and challenge. It's good for them... but excessive... and time it ends. I heard a great story from a foster father recently, expressing how he and his wife talked about bringing foster children into their home, though the time was never perfect. They were challenged on that. There is never a right time. It will always be tough. It certainly was not a child's ideal time to loose a parent, or for a parent to be unable or willing to care for her. For the joy hardship brings, they fostered a sibling group. And, for what they thought they would be teaching these kids... turns out these kids had taught them much more. Here, this mans biological daughter dreames of becoming a fastion designer, while his foster daughter is overjoyed with new, clean underwear. His son dreams of being a majoy league baseball player... while his foster son goes to bed at night in his uniform when he has a tee ball game the next day. He had never had such experiences. So, as the challenge was set out for this couple when taking into consideration the bigger picture, I also challenge others. See things from a selfless point of view. How could you be used in the lives of others?

My children are by no means foster children, nor parentless. But, I can't tell you how many times I hear the same claim, that instant family's are hard, and 0-4 is just downright crazy. You're right. That is why I keep putting myself out there. Because I never give up, I am resilient. I am faced with a reality - that is daunting to most and truly hard, yet I want the desires of my heart to be met. I believe it is possible and nothing holds me back. And, it is also uniquely unselfish as a want, because a big part of my desire is to be able to meet someone elses desires. So, I know it's tough, with one parent or with two, it doesn't really matter. All I can hope for is that there is one good man out there who has a heart big enough - and courage enough to try. Together, that is where you come to be, in raising a family how ever it comes along. With hardship, challenge, rocky roads, also comes excuberant joy that transcends the easy road... the sheltered path. The path where the sun doesn't shine and you never feel the rain on your face. What a bore.

More on the Trauma... Glad it's over!

Callum's femur break ordeal was an ordeal the whole family endured. From grandma Nancy sitting at the hospital with me for hours while Callum under went both of his surgeries, to all those who attended to my other children while I stayed with him in the hospital for a week. Of course not fogetting the recovery afterward - perhaps the most trying ordeal of them all. It's been nearly 4 months now and Callum is officially crutch free... back his usual self - and itching to get back to lacrosse. I'm excited for him. Glad he has youth on his side and he can mend and get his game back. Here's for a little revisit...

My booboo.

Poor Ashley has seen her share of biffs and falls... but she doesn't just scrape her knee and cry for a band-aid. It wouldn't suit her... she has to go all the way... the real deal. Kinda like her two brothers, hmmm, Callum comes to mind.

She flipped out of the car window. It was parked, no I wasn't driving. She landed on her face. The blood was everywhere and I heard Hayden scream. (That means trouble). The fear was that her nose was somewhere else... not on her face. her hand was covering her nose, and she was already nursing a broken nose and had been seen at the ER a few weeks back. Now this. Turns out her nose was fine. Sure it bled a lot, though the worst of it was on the rest of her cute little girly face.

Lost & Found

I had lost the download cord for my camera way back in Feb. and have finally figured out the alternate way to retrieve photos and upload to my PC. Ah Joy... Means you will start seeing many more photos & posts. I much prefer adding personal commentary, unlike FB, and a mini thread. IE: My mood for the moment or a stupid opinion or poll/quiz. I can do that here. I have some stupid opinions for sure. And, I can create stupid polls too! I have a great one in mind. Wait for it... it's coming.

Until then, check out my little dancer. Ashley enjoyed the floor... and all the attention. These were taken at Justin and Jillian's wedding.

Moving on UP!

Hayden... goof! Loused up a final tryout in order to play on the team with his 6th grade buddies. He played half the season and realized the coaches promptings to move him from B team to A team were for a good reason. It took some nagging on their part, but finally Hayden knew it was a good thing. He moved up to the A team, and along with the 7th graders... who are essentially Callum's buddies. Well, who can help it that my boys are particularly great athletes??

Today Hayden played defense half the game, and was in goal the second half. His team won the first, and edge of my seat game, by one point scored in the final minute. The second game was one of those where midway through you almost feel sorry for the other team. We dominated with a winning 10 - 1 score!

Tomorrow we have one more game, with the playoffs next weekend.... championships should be fantastic to watch!!! I love lacrosse... but more so watching my boys play.

Memorial Monday, I will surely remember!

The weekend ensued with the usual fun and relaxation... started off with a little bit of worked mingling. Exhausted and ready to wrap it up, the kids and I headed home. On the way home I started thinking a call to Callum's doctor was a good idea. He had a funny lump on his leg the size of a golf ball near an insertion wound... and started feeling quite warm to me. Long story short, I dropped half my crew off at home, and headed off to the ER with Ashley in tow. The three of us spent the night in the ER. Dr. Morand cut Callum's leg open, drained the wound area and basically stuffed it! Home we went. I got my kids off to school, and drove all the way back downtown to Children's Memorial where Callum had an unplanned surgical procedure to clean the infection in his leg, and remove the rods in his femur that he reacted to... thus developing an infection in the first place. Nancy stayed the day at the hospital with me.

I was dead tired.... figured Callum would at least also be dead tired and maybe even sore the next day. (Considering he vomited all the way home from the anesthesia). Morning roles around and there he stands in my bedroom door.... on crutches with backpack ready to go. "Mom, aren't you going to drive me to school"? Darn.... means I have to go to work!

He recovered quickly.. though is back on crutches and partial weight bearing. Two steps back, but he'll be ahead of the game come end of summer, because the rod removal IS ALREADY DONE!

awwwh geeze

First Sleepless In Seattle and then The Notebook - after a long walk along the river and a glass of wine with an arugula salad. Pitifully sad & utterly enjoyable. My day is coming... but for now I relish every moment and look forward to dreaming dreams tonight.

I count my blessings and am thrilled that Callum started walking a few days ago. Huge improvements and I know he is well on his way to a full recovery! Amen!

What a Drag!

This is the way it went down... physical therapist kept on referring to Callum's progress, or lack thereof, as a lazy try. Apparently he was not working hard enough and really should have been walking a week ago. I actually had threatened to ground him from TV, from PC, from game station.. until he would walk. Monday rolled around, "OK, you're walking today" He'd say "OK".
Monday came and went. Wednesday... "you're walking today", 'OK Mom". Wednesday, gone. Fridays approaching, "you're walking today", Yes Mom. That day went too. I honestly thought he was lazy, as the physical therapist assumed. I feel really bad now about giving him a hard time, I know he has been trying with all his might. He simply can't walk. Monday came and suddenly I'm wondering if the complications during surgery had anything to do with his specific challenges. We saw the surgeon and now his team is very worried. They're thinking perhaps there is a severed or damaged nerve somewhere - as his brain isn't making a connection. The inner portion of his quad, needed to walk, is not firing up - and the rest of his leg is still very weak. He was originally taken out of PT, though put back in for electro stimulation instead of other self strength exercises. Next week we are back at Childrens Memorial for some tests, MRI etc. and hopefully will reveal the hidden injury that lingers.

I hate seeing him struggle to get along -watching as his brother continues to compete in lacrosse, knowing he was the star player just weeks ago. Truth... they actually stopped counting his goals in several games because the numbers kept creeping up there, out of control. His spirits are high though - he has a stellar attitude. Of course from the get go I told him he had two choices, to be bitter or better. Without a thought he owned the BETTER! Faith and prayer has come up too, of course. Who doesn't need it all, playing days the way we do in this age.

Alright everyone, lets pull for Callum! They need to figure out what's wrong, what needs fixing if anything at all - (and the doc better hope he didn't damage a nerve during surgery, cause I'm gonna put my hat on and have a few things to say about that)! I suppose it's possible, due to the level of trauma to soft tissue & bone, that it's just taking him longer to heal than all the docs seem to think it should take. (That's me really hoping for complete healing and walking again)! He must, he's scholarship bound. I'm gonna say Amen now... and look back on it tomorrow.

Falling in Love in my sleep

You know that song out recently "lucky to be in love with my best friend".... I love it, for the very reason that the words are simple and sweet. Isn't that what we all want, to be in love with our best friend? That's how I see the future for me. I don't think I'll ever get bored hanging out... because every moment of doldrum leaves opportunity to be goofy with lighthearted play. Passion springs from the simple and sweet. It springs from the quite moments - when words spoken are found hidden within a penetrating gaze.

My mind wanders and takes me places, some I've been, some etched in my minds eye from the big screen. Under The Tuscan Sun. Stories like that take me away. A woman longing for a love that she knew was possible, yet wouldn't find until she was in a place where the joy she felt filled her life and was real and sustaining without the love of another. Suddenly there he was, the moment she realized she had love without him, there he was.

The night season.... my mind wanders to places that are filled with symbolic riddles and puzzles. I have spent the past 20 years of my life dreaming dreams... with the same handsome face, we've talked upon a boat, a park bench, a baseball field, all endless places with an eternity. He is always so familure to me. Recently, the night season captured him again - we walked and talked. We always seem to end up walking and talking. Maybe I play out my fears in my dreams... I told him I had 4 kids and in response, he took my hand. Talk about symbolic. People are either drawn closer together or torn apart. It was one of those moments when words spoken were hidden within the palm of his hand as he took mine. Falling in love in my sleep.

Odd, I know, though I'm sure you all dream dreams, at least once in awhile that you can remember. I woke up having that same familiar face in mind, and seems each time I get to know more about him. I woke up truly happy, knowing that though I am alone in this day - I am not really alone. Love is a choice I make for life - I have a life full of it and only miss being able to share the love I have with one special other. My best friend. Dreaming dreams keeps dreams alive. Drives a part of me to be better everyday, as you never know how or where you'll meet face to face. It's especially in that moment that the condition of your heart is of value. I live life to the fullest, with a constant hope that a sincere and innocent gaze will one day find itself captured in the eye of another... and a gaze returned. For now, dreaming dreams is a beautiful thing. The night season and sleepy stories spill into the days, and love is more alive than ever. I am truly happy, hopeful, and blessed.

Things that happen on Youth Group ski trips!

Callum attended a church Youth Group ski trip recently - and wouldn't you know it, when your kid is away and you get a phone call at 2:04 in the morning... it can't be good. I nearly had my jeans on before I said HELLO. Protect my child supermom mode switched on.... and within moments I had life for the next weeks arranged. Of course it required waking people up at 3am... but all was well. I count my blessings that when the going gets tough, I have friends and family that go above and beyond. Callum fell while snowboarding and broke his femur.

Callum was moved from the hospital in Iowa to Children's Memorial downtown Chicago. Surgery at 5pm.... many hours after the fall. Thank goodness they had him pumped full of morphine. Surgery took an hour and a half longer than expected due to a few complications. Exited the wrong portion of bone while feeding the flexible nails through.... and punctured a large vein. The repair and getting the bleeding under control was an ordeal for two weeks following the procedure. We were in the hospital for one week, and home to recover. Onward trooper, onward!

It's been 6 weeks now, and Callum is not quite back at school. He has a tutor and PT 3 days a week, though slow progress is waring on us all. Including me! I need to get him walking so he can go back to school, and I can go back to normal work hours. I was hopeful that he'd be better in time to participate in Ultimate Lacrosse Camp this summer, though that is looking a bit far off as a reasonable goal. I haven't given up yet. Hayden has stepped up to the plate though... playing his heart out for the both of them. Their team took 2nd in the recent All-stars tournament... which surprised the league! It was hard for Callum to watch and not get in the game. The star player was missed by all.

Wedding Bells:

Rehersal Dinner:

I feel like I have to give explanation as to why there is such a giant gap between posts. In a word "FACEBOOK". LOL. It didn't literally suck me in as it has done others - poor souls. I hear it's quite the illness. Makes people do stupid things and allows all the narcissist qualities to be revealed. I've been meaning to make a reappearance to my blog for several reasons, first, because it's better for my purpose... keeping a record of my family life and events - and it lacks all the useless crap people sink into on FB. Time is just too valuable.

I have to laugh when I see people type status after status listing full ingredients in their meals. Do you want attention? Do you think people care? HELLO... "talk about me" it says! LOL. Half the time I read peoples stuff and think, oh my gosh... they have way too much time on their hands and too little substance really going on.

I wonder too, why people choose to have private conversations out in the open for all to behold. A need to be seemingly important I guess. I'm not talking about writing messages on boards etc... but the actual conversations that are literally between two people... for all to behold.

What's worse... how do I know these things? I read them duh! Entertainment value I suppose, and the part we all get sucked into,... having an inside to what goes on in others lives.

Harmless, all of it, until someone looses their sanity. LOL

Enough on FB thoguhts... on to more important matters.